Hey Reader,
First, thank you for being here and for your interest and comments on last week's newsletter! We are indeed a group of women sick and tired of the fear-mongering about aging and the oppressive beauty standards we face in midlife and beyond. I'm here for it and am glad you are here too!
Untangling
Untangling yourself from anti-aging and diet/wellness culture is an empowering process that creates more space in your life for what's important to you.
In Part Two of this conversation, let's talk about a response to the changes you experience in your aging body that both
- protects you from slipping into disordered eating and
- contributes to your vitality and well-being
Before I get into that, I want to acknowledge your vulnerability to anti-aging and diet/wellness culture. As a midlife+ woman, you are the target of both the anti-aging and diet culture marketing machines. The insidious pressure leaves you feeling that "you should be working on your body" due to:
- Health anxieties
- Longevity and anti-aging messages
- Body changes that run counter to the culture’s body hierarchy
- Fear of losing relevance/a sense of belonging
- Feeling pushed to the margins (especially if you already have a marginalized identity)
- Fear of judgment-"She's really let herself go."
I mention these shared experiences now to remind you that:
- You are not alone.
- It is not your fault if you feel pulled into diet/wellness culture.
- Please offer yourself grace and compassion-this is hard!
Nourishing Yourself for Body Respect: Replacing Fear with Love
I can only write about nourishment by remembering my grandmother and her kitchen. I grew up in a small town in North Carolina, and my grandmother lived next door. Her backyard garden, apple trees, grapevine, magical chicken and dumplings, and the pound cake she was known for filled my belly and childhood with love and wonder. It's funny what memories stick with you. The smell of warm biscuits and the way she whipped honey and butter together, taking her simple biscuits to another level; her heavy hand with the pepper shaker as she prepared scrambled eggs for me when I slept over (a preference that remains with me); the large tin salt shaker that she kept on the picnic table for salting our watermelon in the summer all arise quickly in my memory. I have many delicious memories of time spent by her side in her kitchen. My expansive interpretation of what it means to be nourished is rooted in these memories.
To nourish means to provide the food or other substances necessary for growth, energy, and health. The word nourish comes from the Latin verb nūtrīre, meaning “to feed” or “to care for.” Yes, and so much more.
You are invited into a more expansive view of nutrition than what fills popular culture. We’ll add the essential elements of pleasure and satisfaction to how nutrition is typically discussed—nutrition + pleasure/satisfaction = Nourishment.
The Pivot: Turning Away from Anti-aging and Diet Culture Rules
When my clients are in the process of breaking free from following external food rules, counting, calculating, and tabulating what they are eating, I hear comments like:
- “I’m noticing that I’m not beating myself up about my eating the way I used to.”
- “I feel more connected to my body in ways I don’t think I have since I was a kid. I am in the same body, but I feel lighter and more at ease in my body now. Sometimes, I even feel confident.”
- “I am not worrying about what I ate before I sleep and what I “should” eat when I wake up. All of the space in my head and my heart that used to be taken up by food obsessions is now free for other things, hopefully, more pleasant things!”
- “Now that I’m not worrying about my weight all of the time, I am starting to notice other things about how certain foods make me feel. Like, I don’t sleep well and wake up with indigestion when I eat late. This has nothing to do with my rebellious reaction to breaking diet rules and has everything to do with me wanting to feel better, which makes it much easier to simply not eat late. Who knew?!”
- When I eat out or order takeout, I don't spend forever fighting myself about making the “right” choice. I have a little conversation with myself about what would satisfy me and make me feel good. It feels more like a treat than a test of my willpower to go out or order takeout now.”
- “Now, when I go on vacation, I don’t feel like I have to eat all the special occasion foods because they are no longer forbidden. So, I don’t feel like I am on some diet rollercoaster any longer, and it's much less stressful. I don’t come home after a vacation feeling like I need to do “damage control” and start another diet.”
- “When I go grocery shopping, I am not full of dread and anxiety, buying the foods that are “good” and feeling ashamed of myself when I buy the “bad” foods. I don’t spend forever agonizing over my choices.”
Moving away from the external guard rails of the food rules of diets and pivoting toward listening to your body, experience, and instincts takes intentionality, practice, and patience. There will be good days and bad. This process is not linear or straightforward. For most of my clients, there are lapses and periods of wanting to return to old dieting habits. This shift toward following your internal guidance can be messy!
I’m not going to lie; following food rules is easier, but as we’ve established, it is not sustainable and causes harm! Yes, there are clear boxes to check, and the human brain loves order and straightforward rules. So, if you’ve followed diets with food rules, you've developed a more black-and-white and all-or-nothing way of seeing food and eating.
Diet/Wellness culture has you believing there are simply good and bad foods and rules to follow. You are either on the wagon or falling off the wagon, right? You are either being good or being bad. There is very little flexibility, experimentation, or discovery.
The thing is, the middle place is where you will get to know yourself, discover your patterns and deeper insights, get to know your body’s wisdom, and finally feel relief from soul-sucking diet rules. This process of befriending and repairing your relationship with your body will slowly unfurl for you with time and practice.
It requires more energy to drop the old rules and instead turn toward your internal guidance. It also requires courage because you are stepping into the unknown, which can be frightening and anxiety-provoking. If you were ever afraid of the dark, you know what it is like. It's scary at first. Then, when you realize you are okay and your eyes adjust, you start to find your way.
Suppose you’re afraid of jumping into cold water and finally take the leap. In that case, you know what it can feel like to habituate to the water and then feel exhilarated, empowered, and liberated.
Consider this: if you stay with the known and continue to do the same thing, you will continue to get the same results. Continuing to follow food rules will cause you to cycle on and off, in and out of the rules of the next fad or program and the next promised silver bullet. These promises include longevity and anti-aging food rules!
So why doesn’t following food rules work for the majority, like 95% of us?
In my next newsletter, I'll explain why rigid food rules are unsustainable and potentially harmful.
Hint: It's not your fault!
Please let me know if you have questions or topics you want me to address in upcoming newsletters.
I am so glad you are here!
With love and respect,
Deb❤️
P.S.
I am listening to the feedback from the brilliant women in the current cohort of my small group coaching program. I continually work to make what I offer better and better. The next cohort of my small group coaching program will be offered early in the New Year. If you are wondering if my program is right for you or want to be first in line when registration opens in December, you'll find what you need here:
